· My Boyfriend Has Kept His Online Dating Profile Active. Posted by: Brad. Strangely enough, this situation seems to happen more often than I would expect: after finding · Scenario #1 You’ve been on multiple dates and it’s obvious you both like each other, but you’re not exclusive just yet. As you’re deleting old messages, you see she’s changed her · Smitten. Reader's Dilemma: Help! My Boyfriend Has Online Dating Profile! Yikes! One of our sweet readers just sent us this perplexing email. Her boyfriend is signed up for an · On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. “If you find out your partner has a · 6 Reasons He’s Still Looking. 1. He Needs the Ego Boost. Some guys just can’t let go of the ego boost they get from connecting with women online. This is something only ... read more
so sad and broken heartd. My ex boyfriend of 13 months flirted with women all the time, though I never felt threatened until a year into the relationship. His feelings had changed, he was flirting with a woman by text on his phone whose name he was lying about. I read the messages and confronted him, and he used the excuse that he did not cheat, flirts all the time, but he is also very insecure with himself and his age. We all flirt, sure, but this I consider cyber cheating.
The other woman does not know that a girlfriend exists, and he thinks he is allowed and that it is not disrespectful. We, of course, broke up, and he can now continue to look for whatever he thinks he deserves but will never find. com like mine was. I have the exact opposite problem.. Perhaps, you, Brad, can help me out and explain this.
I met this guy a little over 3 weeks ago on POF… After going out every day for about 10 days, talking on the phone daily several times a day, and texting in between he complained that I still had a profile up on POF so did he. I removed my profile; he HID his!!! and continued logging on daily!!! Then we had a discussion about being exclusive including removing profiles, etc.
He did remove his profile from POF and match. what do you think about this, Brad? To me this sounds like some trust issues on his part that go deeper than the visibility of a dating profile. You were co-operative which again makes me think he just feels insecure. I too am going through a similar issue. I have been with my guy for almost two years. Well his last stint out of town really had the jealousy wheels turning, for the reason mentioned above, as well as his recent induction into the world of Facebook in which I am nowhere to be found on his profile mentioned as a girlfriend or a picture and he listed he is interested in….
Maybe and advertisement? He read the mail, which was someone winking at him. No picture or other information and right after creating and logging in yesterday, he unsubscribed from emails. But did not delete his account.
Glad to know there are others out there but it saddens me to know that this seems to be so common amongst mostly men. If nothing comes of the browsing, is it worth mentioning and possibly creating a huge fight over? I think I just found my answer, as hard as it is to swallow. If I went browsing on dating site, my wife would punch me in the nose and I support her in that decision.
Why look at real people in your area and be tempted to contact them? There are issues with Match. com where if he were to open an email it can show him logged in without his know but…explaining away three different services is about impossible to do. I really just wanna punch him the face!!! After my emotional abusive ex broke up with me I looked into his emails as I thought there was more to it. We lived together for two years. Anyway I saw an email he and his friend were sending eachother.
And how he has to man up and give me the breakup speech. He met the ex before me on there and I asked him which one they met on and he said he forgot. And he always deleted his browser history. I hate to say it but I am glad that I am not the only one to have been in this horrible position. Ladies, this is just pitiful.
We are strong and wonderful creatures so can we please start to act like it? This goes for me, too. After all, in my mind it is much, much better to be single and happy than to be with someone who makes you feel inadequate, insecure and overall lonely. I met a guy a year ago off match.
For about months it was on and off. We went a great mount of time not seeing each other or talking. Over the summer we just randomly stopped talking. This past September he initiated contact and we have been dating ever since.
We talk on the phone every day and see each other times a week. In November I texted him and told him I really liked him and needed to know if he saw this going somewhere. He said he really liked me too and that he was going with the flow.
He said he is always busy and tired from work which he is , but would like to see each other more and see where it goes. I asked if he was dating anyone else and he said no.
I assumed after this conversion we were exclusive. The past three weeks he has been extremely busy more than usual and I have only seen him once. Some friends suggested that maybe he was dating other girls and recommended I check if he was still on match. I reactivated my account yesterday, and looked him up, and sure enough he had logged on the day before. I checked again and he was online again today. Im so heartbroken since we have known each other for almost a year now.
I am currently going through what everyone on here has. This is the third guy I have dated that has done this. I am about ready to confront him about it when he comes down this weekend. He should not be surprised after all he is the one who said he would delete his. I just reactivated mine. I am waiting to see if he says anything about it.
WALK AWAY. Exclusivety if that is a word is what any serious relationship is about. There are somewhere guys who ARE looking for a serious relationship. COME ON GIRLS —-give them short shift if they stay online!!!
Go online yourself then give him the flick!! Met on fitness-singles. Emailed for two months. Scheduled a visit to see me. Prior to his visit, my subscription ended, so I hid my profile so as not to get any more emails, though I did get some from previous corresponders. I logged in now and then, and noticed for about a week his was still on. Another week goes by and his profile is gone.
Clearly hidden. So then I got to checking his activity, while I was hidden. Silly cat and mouse. What do you make of that? I know why mine is hidden and active now — checking on his activity. I wonder why his is hidden and active… any ideas other than he could be doing the same as I am? Anyway, we finally met in my state a couple of weekends ago. This is his typical MO from before we met, I just thought after meeting, claiming he had a great time, wants me to visit, wants to come back that he would contact more.
Thoughts anyone? I really can only guess but I do think hiding the profile is a great first step. so I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. A year into our relationship I found out that the same week he met me he had a one night stand and she became pregnant as the result.
I had a very hard time accepting this and I will admit it took me a long time to get over it. Also in the same month he became a father he took a vacation to Australia for a week to visit a long time female friend, who paid for the trip. I did not approve of this trip since she had told him in the past that she thought she was in love with him. He explained to me that she was married and had a family and her husband knew that he was coming to visit. So again I had to get over it.
About a year and a half onto our relationship I found that he had not signed out of his email so I started reading them. I couldnt believe my eyes! Messages from all kinds of women.
So he took me to pick out a engagement ring and I forgave him. Now were two years into the relationship, I have never received the ring, I think he went and got his deposit back, and today I found him on a dating website.
Hi Brad, I met my boyfriend from Okcupid. He even have dreams and plans for our future. On our first month of our relationship, he introduced me to his family who were took a vacation here in US they from Ireland. Regarding for sex, we usually have sex 3 times a week, thus, this really puzzled me.
I also found this out that his lying that he will remove his account the said dating site. Brad, I need your advice. Vhalotte — I wrote another article that expanded on this topic that you can see here: His Profile is Still Active — Is He Interested or Not? I do think you need to bring this up with him. I have been dating a guy for a year and a half — met through friends. We talked about marriage — we already have kids from prior realationships. I recently found out hes on a dating website — no pic, not paying account.
I know his passwords so when i checked it, i found out that he browes pictures, and emailed 4 woman. He received many emails but he cant open since hes not a paying user. Should I confront him? Is this something men do just in their spare time, browse? Is it cheating?
I sent a note to POF to let them know that could cause problems! See if they fix it…. Another thing to consider — I may be wrong, but Match. com site. com and it does appear that it can show you active just by opening emails from them. However, this only happens if the profile is visible which often is the real problem. Thanks for the clarification about Match. Internet dating certainly does complicate life…. but, I did manage to avoid a lot of heartache thanks to FB and a computer illiterate user.
The REAL story ~ he had jumped into a relationship with me, way too fast, and instead of being honest, he made up this story. has tried singlesnet. Saved me all that misery…… a good thing! I have been dating the same girl for almost 7 months now and her excuse for being online was originally that she wanted to try and get her 6 month guarantee money from Match. She told me this when were at the 4 month mark of dating.
We are both in our 40s so game playing time should have been up long ago. She acted offended that I would confront her about it and said she would take it down. Brads May 13, comments are very pertinent to my situation. Bottom line is this type of thing goes both ways. WOMEN PLAY GAMES TOO!!! Hi Jay I agree Women Play Games Too…. but we are not seeing a lot of comments from you GUYS on this space. Please Guys write Your Experience on here too, so at least we genuine women will have faith again..
that there are serious guys out there too….. Well I definitely know that this happens to guys too because it is currently happening to me right now. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 months now and I know for a fact that his dating profile is still active on the site me met on. It told me the time that comment was made and it turns out that he made that comment weeks after we had started dating.
So I confronted him about it and he got upset that I had been snooping. He said that the only reason he posted that was because the other guy said something nice about one of his pictures. So after a evening of arguing over the phone I ended up being the one who was apologizing for trying to undermine our relationship with distrust. So I told him I would delete my account so that this whole nightmare would be over…..
do you think he had the courtesy to delete his too….. nope here we are another month later and it still says single and he still logs onto it daily i can see it without having an account. I feel so confused right now and soooooo sick to think what he could be doing all of the time. We communicate with each other daily over the phone, video chatting, texting….. because we are in a long-distance relationship. He always tells me how much he loves me and our relationship is going so well….
this hurts so bad and I am so afraid to lose him….. but it seems like addressing this issue is the only way to know for sure. I just wish people would think about how much this kind of stuff really hurts the ones they claim to love so much 🙁. Kick these morons — women OR men to the curb. The answer is obvious. He is looking for better options. Serial daters. READ about this online.
GOOGLE narcissistic online daters. These men and women have red flags a flying. If YOU feel their behavior is inherently questionable, trust your instinct.
This was supposedly his FIRST online dating venture. BS he has been on every site out there which is fine but to LIE about it along with age and criminal history — lets say I am still paying for who he pretended to be and who he actually IS. He leaves behind a path of ex gfs and a wife who know they should have trusted what should be obvious: bad behavior is BAD behavior and no smooth talking over and over will change the inherent insanity of his always looking for the golden fleece women.
DO NOT end up giving them the benefit of the doubt — you will lose your self esteem, question the golden rules you knew in kindergarten and everything that should be upright is upside down. I have been through HELL with this man who is addicted to attention whoring by ANYONE. He treated me like CRAP, lied about his age and his intent. DO NOT listen to what they say — the dichotomy is in their ACTIONS which is what people should be paying attention to.
Not the words. I found this out because I snooped. Suspicious activity had to be followed up on. Anyways, I made a fake profile. send a flirt-mail. Got one back. Sorry to anyone else going through this. My heart goes out to you. I could use a friend right now too. I met my husband married 10 years this summer on match. What are we doing here? Three months in we were engajed, married within a year of meeting and going strong.
Those are all EXCUSES. You deserve better. When a man loves and respects you you know it. Clear the path so a real man can enter your life.
You owe it to yourself…and deserve to be happy without constantly having to wonder. No drama. Good luck. Brad, thank you so much for this article and to all who commented. I discovered the man I met and have dated exclusively almost 3 months ago on match. com to have his profile back up about 2 weeks ago. When I asked him about it, I received all the unoriginal excuses written about here. However, I accepted them since at the time it sounded honest and he was adamant there was only me.
I also chose to forgive and move forward. His profile disappeared within 20 minutes of our discussion. Fast forward to this past weekend. I ended up finding a very active profile on okcupid. His match profile went active shortly thereafter. I set up a fake profile on okcupid where he is looking for everything including casual sex which he has now expressed his interest in.
There is no doubt that I am finished with him. We had explicit conversations about exclusivity and expectations. We agreed if someone wanted to pursue others they should.
Just be sure to be honest and cut the other person loose. I know I will never receive a satisfactory answer from him. For the record, within the first 3 dates he told me he took his match profile down, how he was finished with online dating, what terrible luck he had, and how he expected to be stood up by me on the first date.
We are both professionals in our late 30s and he has 2 teenage children. I never in a million years expected to be bamboozled like this. I feel like the ultimate sucker. I thought I had all the right conversations to protect myself. I have been in a relationship off and on for the last year and a half.
I made the mistake of hiding it from him and he found out. Last July he admitted to me that he has been monitoring my emails, Facebook, text messages, everything for over a year. He read private conversations between me and my friends and family and got angry that I was talking to other people about our relationship. After this, I cut off all communication with everyone electronically and focused on him.
Well fast forward to Christmas He dumped me on Christmas Day. Please note, I am a single mother and he has gotten very close with my daughter. He basically cut communication with me almost completely. During the week we were broke up I had booked flights to Chicago so my daughter could see her dad. Well after we got back together, I asked him to come with. He declined. He told me go see your friends, have a good time, make the most of it.
also saw another male friend and his fiancÃ©. I also told him that I had posted ads on craigslist looking for a male or female to go out with. He said NOTHING at the time. I met up with one guy for brunch one day, that was it. I call him and he tells me he has plans to hang out with a female friend. Which he did. We got into an argument the next day because I went out for drinks with these friends of mine. So now, he is seeing other women because I did it in Chicago.
I also asked him to take down his Afro romance profile and admitted to him I have his password. I have been a basket case all weekend and have asked him to come see me and he refuses. Please help. I love him and my daughter loves him. He was monitoring your email for a year? Nearly every man I dated has behaved similarly.
My friends check and watch for each other. I am amazed that men are so dumb to think we are not paying attention to this. However, we need to create a sisterhood of dating codes…. i am in this boat right now.
i told him i do not date more than one person at a time because i do not like to and he seemed surprised. he NEVER told me we were exclusive to be fair to him, he also was with his ex over 10 yrs. i set up a fake online profile as i deleted mine 2. his profile is still up and i fake emailed him and he responded and wanted to meet with the fake girl for lunch or dinner but told the real me he might have to work as he is in law field.
once the fake dumped him he said we would have dinner. if you need more info let me know as well.. also note we are in contact every day most of the day and we do have fun together. also after that dinner when the faked dumped him so he came over my house that night he made his pics private on the website when he went home?!?! is he just nervous to start a new relationship or to put all his eggs in one basket…OMG help.
My advice is to stick with the relationship but have a goal of understanding where he is at in regard to being committed to one another. I found your site and noticed this thread when doing some research on this very issue.
com profile has been a sore spot off and on throughout our relationship. We met on Match. com in January and met in person two months later.
Before meeting in person, he asked if it was premature for him to take his profile down. He said he really liked me and was growing tired of online dating. I assured him that I liked him too but felt it was premature for me to take mine down before meeting in person.
I told him he could do what he wanted, but until we actually met I could not do that. After meeting in person, he asked me to be his lady and asked if we could leave Match.
I assumed leaving Match meant that we would actually hide our profiles so that we would not come up in a search and that is what I did. I checked to see if he hid his profile some time later and not only was it still there, he was online when I checked.
I sent him a screen capture showing him online and asked him to explain because I thought we were exclusive. He said that he got an alert that he had a new message and so he was just responding to the email letting the person know that he was seeing someone and wanted to see how things would go with her.
And really, it just saves time. When we did have another conversation about it, he said that he had never taken his profile down. He always left it up whether he was in a relationship or not. He assured me that his subscription was going to expire soon and he would not be renewing and that he was only responding to email letting people know he was seeing someone. He said he was not looking for someone else. Ok, so he has never taken his profile down and he did not want to do anything different because that is just him.
I told him that what his visible profile said to me and everybody who saw it is that he is single, available, and looking for a date. To me, it is no different than sitting at the bar and having a sign that says just that. I painted him that picture too. I said what if we were sitting at the bar and you are wearing this sign, so women after women walk up to you to express their interest and you keep telling them that you are with me.
I even mentioned that because he had told me that he is a flirt it bothered me even more. A few weeks later, he let me know that I would not be able to find his profile and that I probably already knew that. I was shocked that he finally hid it because nothing he said in the past would indicate that he would ever do that. A couple weeks later it was visible again.
I asked him about it because I was confused because I thought we were doing ok. He said we were but he put it back because he felt like he was just doing it for me and if he started changing little things then it would lead to other things.
I never saw it as a little thing but always said that it was not changing him or who he was. Knowing how Match works, I continued to check his online status and believed his subscription had expired because his status had gotten to the active within 3 weeks mark.
Each time I check his profile, I looked to see if he added new pictures or updated in profile in any way. He changed his headline, deleted a few things and reworded a few things. During our last visit, we talked about where we were and I expressed some concern about lack of communication.
He said he wanted us to do better and asked if we could hit the reset button. But, something told me to wait until I talked to him. After cooling off a bit, I called and confronted him. He said that a few months back, he got an email about renewing and he logged on and deleted some pictures and updated his profile but did not renew. So, he said he updated months ago. I told him what I had seen. See, I created a fake profile and contacted him.
He did not reply but I saw that he read the email, something you cannot do unless you are a paid subscriber. He said he did not know what to say because he had not been on there and reminded me that he did not renew his subscription when it expired a long time ago. He said that really Match.
com had really been a waste of time and money and he had no desire to spend that kind of money again on it. And he asked why he would ask to hit reset with me and then go looking for someone else. He said that if I wanted to know how he felt about me and us then I should just ask him and not go sneaking around. When we discussed it before, I believed his reasoning about being on there. So, why would he lie to me now?
He has been honest about being on both sides of cheating in a relationship and told me when we discussed this last week that he has dated two women in the same town at the same time. Then he said that neither of us needed to go online if we wanted to cheat and he said that he was sure guys hit on me all the time but he had to trust that I walked away.
He said that sneaking around like this will drive you crazy because if you are looking for something to give you doubts about the relationship, you will always find something whether it is what it appears or not. He said he has been there and has done exactly what I have done so he can speak from experience. I have Googled this online now status thing and have found others have been in this situation as well where the party who shows online says they were not online.
I have also seen where some created fake profiles to check on their status on their real profile and it showed them online when they had not been. I also saw recently that since Hotmail and Match are owned by the same party, if you open Hotmail it will show you online on Match.
Not sure if that is true but my boyfriend does have a Hotmail account. Taking all of this into consideration and hearing what my boyfriend said, I really want to believe him, BUT what I did not tell him is that he has a highlighted profile. It has green around it. This is only available to paid subscribers. I even confirmed this via telephone with Match. I asked if a person had a highlighted profile before, would it stay green once their subscription ended.
I was assured that if someone had a highlighted profile, they were a paid subscriber. Given that, my boyfriend is either lying to me, Match renewed his subscription when he said not to, or someone is posing as him.
I have not mentioned the highlighted profile to my boyfriend. Should I bring this up when I see him or just leave it alone? Also, I plan to check his profile while we are together this weekend to see if his status shows online. Yet, at the same time he starts dating online. Instead of healing from his broken relationship, he is looking for attention from more than one woman. My dating advice is to pull back and protect your heart. He needs time to regain his balance and you need to avoid being hurt by him during this process.
I hope your friendship can be picked up again soon, depending on how hurt you feel and how considerate or thoughtless he is. He is divorced 5 years with three girls. He is 50 and in Switzerland, I am 61 and in the UK.
I am talking only to him for three weeks. Now he has invited me to visit him. He wants to meet first to see if he has fallen in love as he falls hard. My question is am I moving too fast? Is he a player? Or am I being unreasonable? We agreed to meet when he has less work, the pandemic etc. So anxious but already have emotional connection he shares his personal feelings and hobbies!
He is stringing you along because the fantasy is fun. You have to meet a series of men because you never know who will call again. Men with excuses are NOT serious. Words are meaningless. How do you even know the photo is really him? My dating advice to you Jayne is to learn more about dating today, how it works, and men.
Then go out to meet men locally if you want to find love. That is sure to break your heart. I met a guy online about 2 month ago. We are having sex every Friday night when he comes to my house.
He is still online looking but tells me he has no intentions to date other woman. Should I go back online? Time to dump this guy and go back online! Read this post which will help you know signs to look for that a man is into you and signs a man just wants to sleep with you. I found out he checks his online dating everyday. That hurt so much. I am confused and threw back everything he told me because he still wants to see me.
Thanks to your article and response to the previous comment. Even though I feel horrible inside, disappointed in myself, and feel used, I know what to do next time when I start seeing someone. I know what I want and evidently he did to but he took advantage. New Year, New beginnings! This is a reason to be proud of yourself! Some women bring it up once sleeping together is being considered.
Others bring it up after dates. Do what feels right to you. Exclusivity means you are only dating each other to discover relationship compatibility. Using that definition can help clarify what you are really asking about — the possibility of long-term, monogamous love should everything go well. You got this! Wow so accurate, it sent chills down my spine. I mistakenly slept with a man on our 3rd date without having the exclusivity talk.
You are the first one to go down that road. But now you know and are so much smarter. Just so you know, some guys will say yes to exclusivity so they can sleep with you on the first few dates. Clients have told me the stories! So, wait it out to watch for consistency over several weeks of dating. Then you can talk about exclusivity and feel more confident you are getting a REAL answer.
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Posted by Sandy Weiner in communication skills in dating , dating after divorce , red flags in relationships 0 comments. Dear Sandy,. com, and I am upset and confused. I want to bring up that he is still online even though he says he wants to only date me. What does this mean? I want to be able to trust that he means what he says. How do I talk about the fact that my boyfriend still has an active online dating profile without turning him off?
First, rest assured that at the start of a relationship, many people keep their profiles open and check incoming emails. What about you? In this short conversation, you simply state how you feel about him without any false promises of the future , and you also let him know what you want from him.
Be prepared for any response. You need to be clear about that before you have the conversation. Remember that a guy may take longer to shut down his profile, even when you are exclusive.
Be a woman of value who speaks up and knows her bottom line about how she wants to be treated. The right guy will step it up. The wrong one will walk away. Your email address will not be published. Notify me of follow-up comments by email.
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· On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. “If you find out your partner has a · 6 Reasons He’s Still Looking. 1. He Needs the Ego Boost. Some guys just can’t let go of the ego boost they get from connecting with women online. This is something only · Scenario #1 You’ve been on multiple dates and it’s obvious you both like each other, but you’re not exclusive just yet. As you’re deleting old messages, you see she’s changed her · Smitten. Reader's Dilemma: Help! My Boyfriend Has Online Dating Profile! Yikes! One of our sweet readers just sent us this perplexing email. Her boyfriend is signed up for an · My Boyfriend Has Kept His Online Dating Profile Active. Posted by: Brad. Strangely enough, this situation seems to happen more often than I would expect: after finding ... read more
BS he has been on every site out there which is fine but to LIE about it along with age and criminal history — lets say I am still paying for who he pretended to be and who he actually IS. MarniDiane February 13, Ok. Bperk August 5, Well I definitely know that this happens to guys too because it is currently happening to me right now. Kathy November 12, Wow, the same thing happened to me. I asked he take down his profile….Well after we got back boyfriend still has online dating profile, I asked him to come with. Do I mention something before I go out there or not? I almost walk away for good. And how he has to man up and give me the breakup speech. This one is tough, because if you confront him about the profile in any scenario, really he could take his real profile down but have another just for chatting undetected.