Interfaith marriages can be successful. But achieving such satisfactory integration requires first taking pride in our identity. And then, through education and learning, gaining an understanding of what it is we choose to renounce or embrace. I am confounded by the apparent sense of self-loathing exhibited by so many Jews.

Faith is only one part of who we are. Religious identity should be worn with pride, not fear or shame. Own up. Be proud. There are a lot of women out there looking for a mensch.

And there are a lot of men who would be only too happy to find themselves a balabusta. Leaving out information or hiding behind ambiguous titles only postpones what will eventually be or not be.

I was a typical yet still fabulous SUV-driving suburban Jewish housewife. Fast-forward 16 years. While I was busy polishing the granite and stainless steel appliances, competing with myself to be a more ethnic version of Martha Stewart, and running my three Read More Find me on Twitter.

One of my good friends met her husband on Jdate. She is secular, but being raised in Manhattan and Tel Aviv, has a very strong Jewish identity. Home About Contact.

About the Author I was a typical yet still fabulous SUV-driving suburban Jewish housewife. Comments Loved your article on faith! Great piece lady! I have to try that! Both of these statements get me into trouble in polite society, especially when they are coupled. Apparently I'm not the only one, as anybody who has used an online dating service will readily testify. Typically, these web sites allow you to specify your religious beliefs and to express a preference for the religious beliefs of your prospective dates.

Try simply checking the "atheist" box if there actually is one , and you'll be waiting a long time for your matches. But if you describe yourself as " spiritual but not religious " your chances are markedly improved though the problem now is that you'll see a lot of new agey types showing up in your inbox.

Despite the fact that more and more people are comfortable "coming out" as atheists, the word is still very much associated with being immoral, or at the very least amoral. This, of course, despite the fact that there is neither logical nor empirical reason to draw that conclusion.

Ever since Plato's Euthyphro dialogue, philosophers have agreed that gods are simply irrelevant to morality , regardless of whether they exist or not. And of course modern sociological research shows that atheists are just as moral as religious believers.

Still, the stigma persists. Enter the word "spiritual," which is becoming synonymous with retaining all that is good in a religious person, without the religion. It seems that in many people's conception if you really can't be religious, at least you should try to be spiritual.

If you are not, then you must be a damned selfish materialist, an implicit admission that is not likely to get you many dates on Match. But what, exactly, does it mean to be "spiritual but not religious," or for that matter, just plain spiritual?

One interpretation, of course, can be arrived at by taking the word literally: if you are spiritual you believe in spirits not of the alcohol -laden type.

In some sense, this must be right, as spiritual people seem to be averse to the idea that matter and energy are all there is to the universe hence, the above mentioned cavalcade of new agers likely to populate your inbox. But if that is the case, it is not at all clear why holding such entirely unfounded beliefs should translate into someone being a better, more moral and hence more datable person.

Being spiritual in this sense seems to me simply indicative of a slightly, if often benignly, deluded mind, not one with whom I would really enjoy associating for long periods of time.

A second possibility is that spiritual is meant to indicate someone who devotes part of her time and energy to cultivate her "spirit," as opposed to just being concerned with "material" things. Which brings me to the third interpretation of the word spiritual: someone who takes care of cultivating and reflecting on his ethics, of behaving justly and compassionately toward his fellow human beings, and of nurturing his aesthetic sense through arts and letters.

Okay, by that definition, I am spiritual but not religious. But so is any human being who is not a psychopath. Yes, some people are more reflective than others, some more compassionate, some more inclined to read literature and go to art museums or concerts the latter activities also of course greatly depending on one's means and education , not just his natural propensities.

But I submit that to do the above is part and parcel of what it means to be human. As Odysseus famously puts it in Dante's Inferno , "Fatti non foste per viver come bruti, ma per seguir virtute e canoscenza" We were not made to live like brutes, but to follow virtue and knowledge.

I suggest, therefore, that we reclaim the basic notion that a compassionate, ethical, and interesting human being doesn't need to be either religious or spiritual. He just needs to be human.

Do we have a word to suggest to Match. com and similar services to add to their list of possibilities?

The faith question had been left conspicuously blank in his Match. com profile. Based on experience I assumed why, yet I can never be percent certain until I learn otherwise.

Henri Alan Tremont, played by Armand Assante, was Jewish. Then, and only then, did she agree to sleep with him. I have. And I am open to meeting men of other religions besides my own. Yes, I realize on a secular site like Match.

Everyone is entitled to see whomever he or she wants. When I hear such preemptive statements or witness outright efforts to initially masquerade Jewish descent, I stop and wonder what causes these men to feel such shame.

I rarely attend synagogue, not even on High Holy Days. And I eat shellfish and pork wholeheartedly. I am spiritual, though, but not not Jewish enough to classify myself under the Match. Apart from the logistics of being entrenched in organized religion, i. dietary rules, chosen houses of worship, and the specific scripture from which we pray, a long history of traditions and values should be thoughtfully considered and not readily dismissed.

Interfaith marriages can be successful. But achieving such satisfactory integration requires first taking pride in our identity. And then, through education and learning, gaining an understanding of what it is we choose to renounce or embrace.

I am confounded by the apparent sense of self-loathing exhibited by so many Jews. Faith is only one part of who we are. Religious identity should be worn with pride, not fear or shame. Own up. Be proud. There are a lot of women out there looking for a mensch. And there are a lot of men who would be only too happy to find themselves a balabusta.

Leaving out information or hiding behind ambiguous titles only postpones what will eventually be or not be. I was a typical yet still fabulous SUV-driving suburban Jewish housewife. Fast-forward 16 years. While I was busy polishing the granite and stainless steel appliances, competing with myself to be a more ethnic version of Martha Stewart, and running my three Read More Find me on Twitter.

One of my good friends met her husband on Jdate. She is secular, but being raised in Manhattan and Tel Aviv, has a very strong Jewish identity. Home About Contact. About the Author I was a typical yet still fabulous SUV-driving suburban Jewish housewife. Comments Loved your article on faith!

Great piece lady! I have to try that! Leave a Reply Cancel reply. Join Our Newsletter. Get updates straight to your inbox. First Name. Last Name. SUBSCRIBE NOW. Open toolbar. Accessibility Tools Increase Text Decrease Text Grayscale High Contrast Negative Contrast Light Background Links Underline Readable Font Reset.

But what, exactly, does it mean to be "spiritual but not religious," or for that matter, just plain spiritual? And there are a lot of men who would be only too happy to find themselves a balabusta. Massimo Pigliucci Rationally Speaking. But if that is the case, it is not at all clear why holding such entirely unfounded beliefs should translate into someone being a better, more moral and hence more datable person. As Odysseus famously puts it in Dante's Inferno , "Fatti non foste per viver come bruti, ma per seguir virtute e canoscenza" We were not made to live like brutes, but to follow virtue and knowledge. Last Name. Back Find a Therapist.

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